Lost...

Why is it in life when we need someone to understand us most of the time people who are close to us and from whom we expect always fail to do that! Why is it when we need them the most they just turn their back to us and expect us to understand their point of view even then when they aren’t making any sense. Why cant they treat people the way they are being treated with same affection love and care! Why? Is it so hard to understand the person who always stood by you , no matter what you do! Then what is the difference between that special one and others!! Everyone has a special someone who they rely on for almost everything. We would definitely be there when they need us no matter how it is what it is...but when we need them they are never there. Why? Or is it that people like me prioritize “special someone” and they don’t! They keep us just where they keep everyone else! Or is it that am the only one whose insane to do all this and still get nothing in return?

At times i wonder maybe i am the one whose wrong..i only think and prioritize people who don’t deserve it and thats the reason i get nothing in return just tears! Maybe somethings wrong with me..have been thinking alot of negative things these days.. staying happy is something i have to pretend because honestly i am not what i was earlier. Its strange to see me this way for myself but what do i do? I keep quiet because am not the one whose going to burst into tears in front of everyone , not the one who would bluntly tell people if they hurt me or something. All my life i have been this quiet and calm and composed girl (though little bit of chatterbox u can consider me because if am in the mood and with my favourite people i can really go on n on n on) but nowadays it doesn’t seem like that. I am more into myself thinking all weird things that come in my mind..(basically they are all negative things) and then just be so dull and silent and not to forget i have turned CYNICAL!!

I would be positive and vibrant for people around me because they matter to me! And i would never want them perturbed because of my silly stupid problems and insecurities! But then what do i do? This thing in me isn’t going (the dull and cynical me i mean) and am turning more negative day by day. And when i want to share it with someone.. well that someone isn’t there! Then i make myself understand that its okay there are times when people do have some priority other than me in their life! And at times they cant be there not by their choice but sometimes they are helpless too. So I try to make myself strong and talk sense into me actually talk positive things into me but when he isn’t around nothing goes in my head and thats what the whole problem is! I know am being a jerk here! Its insane but i am insane! I want someone to hold me when am down and out..to talk sense into me when am all messed up..hold my hand till the end of the time! But isn’t that what all of us want?

Dekha..am so messed up even now! God knows what am blabbering here! This is what insanity does to you! Am i even making sense? Or have I just lost the tiniest bit of sense in me? I think i should stop saying anything.. but then i only speak here.. that’s why the blog is mentioned *The Idiot Talk*!! And am the worst idiot on this planet *Earth*!!!!!!!