Clueless...

Well it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged! Yeaah have been busy..Really busy!! And lots of stuff has been happening in my life...something good something bad.. Well can i really term them as that? Because only god knows if it’s good or bad for me... m just a victim of these stupid emotions!! Umm well I am sounding weird am I not? Well let’s be honest.. I have become little weird... Really complicated... I mean the more I want life to be simple the more complicated it gets! And now it’s getting on my nerves!! It’s getting hard to cope up everyday.. Every time i make myself understand and get little adjusted to it...Something or the other would come up and rock my little invisible world like hell! I mean i know everyone goes through all this stuff and everyone has various ways to handle it! But now am certainly not able to handle anything! It’s getting worse..And am losing it all! On the little brighter side... Life’s great after the major shuffling... all seems good (well who can really say about the next 2 years) so right now it’s good.. And as it is god always keeps testing me god knows why with his little tests or maybe big ones which i don’t realise at times! Sometimes I feel I handle things well and sometimes i just mess it up which isn’t expected of me! But why? Can’t i mess up sometimes? Can’t someone just take my bullshit for nothing? I mean every person, every relation I know of on this planet earth has an expiry date? I mean come on!!! I don’t know what am blabbering about...You see that’s what it does to you when you don’t blog enough!!!! Arggh! M messed up completely...isn’t it? But then i have always been messed up! (Now am contradicting myself but then i clear my mess also...I make everything right) but this time its way beyond my control! Can’t reach there! Can’t solve the confusing puzzle god has given me in this test!! But then eventually maybe ill do it but that also depends on the one and only.. **God** Yeah am a firm believer in him... and in destiny! That’s why my questions are still unanswered! And that’s what drives me crazy when something happens out of order and Then eventually i adjust to it..And then what? Boom! That thing vanishes itself!! And am left hurt all over again!! And what now? Am clueless once again. I know life does that to everyone... but then I really think am being the one whose case is been taken all the amazing time god has to put me through hell... Just when am happy in my paradise..(Well i call it because even if am sad here...it is still my paradise where once upon a time i was happy...so... lil complicated eh? Well told you...Am complicated now) just when am sure of a life I would have... Damn! There goes god’s wand again and am back to level 0! I mean is that fair??? Yeah life’s not fair! But it isn’t that unfair!! Am just too complicated to be understood anymore.. There’s one part of me making me understand things in a practical way...and one which just wants what it wants! And for the first time I really can’t sort myself out... Maybe with time i would be able to... but then till when will I be able to console myself with this ridiculous thought of mine???